There was a lot of conversation on the film Mrs. when it released a few weeks ago. It got some men’s right organization The Save Indian Family Foundation (SIFF) riled up about incorrect portrayal of men in the film. I have read some media reports but I find the conversation a tad futile considering that an NGO has an issue with a fictional story when there are real issues to be tackled, both for men, women and children.

But coming back, Mrs. film is about a young woman who is hitched to a gynaecologist through arranged marriage. Like most arranged marriage cases, it goes all hunky-dory with Richa (played by a well-cast Saniya Malhotra) in the start with absolutely no inkling of how unexpectedly her life is going to get upended. I have already seen the original Malayalam film The Great Indian Kitchen and that film shook me to the core. As a man, it made me feel uncomfortable about how modern, educated, ambition-driven women are treated by the patriarchy-laden men post marriage. And the problem persists both in urban and non-urban households.

I thought it odd to name the film Mrs., so devoid of creativity. But then when I saw the Hindi script it reads MEE-SEJ, which is so poignant from an Indian perspective. I am sure all of us at some point must have heard someone or the other saying “aapki meesej…” and when you hear that, the word just transforms itself into this female character who happens to be a homemaker. Well at least in my mind it does. A lot of my female colleagues and acquaintances have a problem being called “madam” by a man and I can sort of understand wh; it’s just the way it is said “suniye MAY-DUM…” There is no sincerity in that title anymore.

The film does a wonderful job in telling the audience that a married woman’s life, who has decided to be a homemaker, is tied to the kitchen. When I was deep into the film, a thought struck me - how much time was dedicated to the kitchen and dining area in the entire film? So I got down to do the maths:

• Total duration of film - 105 minutes (excluding the opening production credits)
• Total duration of kitchen/dining - ~64 minutes
• Total % of film dedicated to kitchen/dining - ~60.18%

Mrs. is not just about the great narrative of a homemaker but it also highlights a mathematical truth that more or less equates to real life. In reality we do employ domestic workers and other help but the film’s depiction is not far away from the truth. Sadly the women in the film are not married but hired to be unpaid workers. They are the first to wake up and the last to sleep. In one scene, Kawaljit Singh’s character, the father-in-law is talking to his wife on the phone chastising her that SHE didn’t train the new daughter-in-law well enough. Strangely enough, the wife has gone to her daughter’s house to take care of her as she is pregnant.

The contrast between what men of the house DO NOT do and what the women do is so gracefully shot and yet so disgraceful at a concept level. The leisure, smoothness and ease attached to the pleasures of men is brought out in pure cinematic contrast to the chaotic madness and struggle attached to the women’s duty to keep the house running.

The film captures the young husband's character, played by Nishant Dahiya, in the most believable manner (In a recent article the actor said that his character is not a bad guy, it’s how he was conditioned by his family. Good casting in that case!). As the film progresses you see him converting slowly but steadily into his arrogant, patriarch like his father. His marriage to Richa seems like a contract, lacking empathy, mutual intimacy, shared compassion and most importantly companionship. He is always looking for an opportunity to insult his wife under the garb of a “joke”, he obviously sees nothing wrong with that but for Richa, it cuts deep. And when she returns the favour, he gets wild and can’t take it!

Another interesting aspect that the film brings out is how Richa is gradually pushed into complete isolation. There is a scene in the film, which is the epitome of sadness, she has bagged a job interview and is all set to leave, only to be stopped by her father-in-law by sheer force of emotional blackmail. By the end of the film, she has literally no one to talk to and that is the moment she is completely unhinged and decides to untangle herself from the tentacles of this bleak reality.

Having toiled in the kitchen day and night, the only time she gets off work is when she gets her period. There are two points to take away from this. First, it would seem that the husband is finally showing some compassion and lets her. But the way she is confined to her room gives you the impression that the men of the family don’t want her anywhere near the kitchen and hire help for 5 days to do the housework. Second, the husband is a bit surprised because he was hoping to have got her pregnant, but thankfully, she wasn’t. I can’t imagine having a child thrown into this current predicament that Richa finds herself in.

The men are evidently shown in unflattering patriarchy light. But what about the other women in the family? The mother-in-law is seen constantly serving the husband and her son. She is almost mute in the film, having accepted her fate all these years. You would expect that with changing times, the mother-in-law would give some leeway to the young Richa, but no, she has been sucked into the daily rigmarole of homemaker duties from day one. We see an elderly aunt enter the scene to help the young bride in the absence of the mother-in-law (who, has gone to her pregnant daughter’s house to “take care” of her). But all the aunt does is chides the daughter-in-law for not doing her duties unconditionally. Richa’s very own mother normalizes the fact that after getting married, it is a woman’s duty to keep the house. You’d hope for some sympathies from these experienced ladies, but none comes her way.

What this film taught me is that every woman needs to have a career and build enough finances to claim her independence. Every woman needs to hold her own and not build her dependance on anyone, especially a man. In Richa’s case it’s sad that her only major achievement is to get her father-in-law to appreciate her cooking as per his taste and liking. What a sad existence.

As a parent, especially being a father to a daughter, I am not saving up for a wedding, what I am saving up for is getting her a great education and pursue her professional dreams. The decision of marriage is on her. I need to be the best example of a man in her life, in order for her to choose a good, decent man… IF she is looking for a man.