Why do you need to be a good husband before you become a dad?
In Part 2 of the PLANNING series we talk about being a good and responsible husband.
As a man it took me a long time to recognise my responsibilities… well into my marriage (I still falter in many cases). We all think we are going to be great dads, conjuring up all these fantastical stories in our heads about the things that we are going to do. But before you begin that journey, learn to be a good husband because that will define your journey together with your wife/partner into parenthood.
Every individual would have his own learnings but today I would like to share mine
Emotional Awareness
Learn to read the room, know when your wife/partner “looks” or “seems” upset. The signs could be subtle or direct but you need to read them. We tend to be brash about such things and sweep it aside but it’s crucial we recognise and act upon it. Also don’t be afraid of professing your love to them openly. Trust me you don’t need a reason to do so, they will appreciate you more, don’t do it just on special occasions. It's the spontaneity of these sweet emotional declarations that enhances a relationship.
Mindfulness
Ever find yourself leaving that towel on the bed, only for your wife/partner to pick it up later? I am sure you do. Boys have mostly been mollycoddled by the female family members, (Yes, yes,“not all boys”) picking up after them, doing their bidding, giving them whatever else (I too was this boy). This expectation is carried forward well into their adulthood consciously or subconsciously and it is assumed that the female partner would continue the deeds. But in today’s day and age it doesn’t work. You have to be more attentive of your actions and not just leave it for your wife/partner to fix it. You have to do better! In a relationship actions will always hold more weight than words.
Don’t be Selfish
We are all selfish beings, we want things for ourselves and are willing to do anything for it. But in a relationship it’s not alway healthy to put yourself first, you have to think for each other, especially if becoming parents is on the cards. Once the child comes, the focus will shift, it would definitely not be wise to be selfish and let the partner take up the mounting load.
Communicate
Girlfriends/wives usually find themselves “meme-fied” as those who say one thing but mean something completely different. A great example of that is “I am fine”, well that could mean anything but the actual definition of “fine”. Sadly boyfriends/husbands too have their own difficulties when it comes to communicating in a relationship. We work on assumptions, “oh like I thought you’d know what we were thinking/doing/wanting”. I find myself doing this all the time and I can see the frustration creep on my wife’s face and those eyes screaming “why don’t you communicate properly”. So yeah keep those lines open and communicate clearly.
Stress Management
Just like selfishness, it is very unfair to think just of yourself and offload unwanted stress onto your partner. You have to be mindful that perhaps they too are going through their own issues at work and/or home and the last thing they need is your unstable emotional dump. I am not saying that don’t seek emotional support from your partner but doing it all the time is simply unhealthy and unacceptable. I have found myself multiple times reaching out to my wife without thinking and I can sense the distress in her behaviour. This is extremely crucial for a stable relationship, learn to manage your stress and take steps to work on it.
Adaptive
Lastly, adapt to changing situations, please do not expect your wife/partner to embrace all the changes. Drop the ego and adapt. To build a healthy relationship both the partners must meet halfway. This takes patience, effort but mostly courage. Accept that there are some traits in your personality that needs changing and work towards it, trust me, this effort will not just be appreciated by your partner but friends and family too.
So coming back to our question!
Why do you need to be a good husband before you become a dad?
Read the above!
